


Honesty

by anythingbutplatonic



Series: FTM!Blaine 'Verse [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: AU, M/M, Trans!Blaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 19:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4112086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anythingbutplatonic/pseuds/anythingbutplatonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: A few months after they meet, Blaine finds the courage to tell Kurt about himself…all of himself. </p><p>Warnings: Okay, so this one is angstier than the other two and deals more explicitly with issues around social/medical transition and slight references to gender dysphoria.</p><p>Originally posted on Tumblr May 20th 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honesty

Before he met Blaine, Kurt had never had a best friend. He hadn’t even had a friend, not really, unless you count a love/hate relationship with Rachel and a close-but-not-quite-best-friend-territory relationship with Mercedes.

Meeting Blaine had changed all that, almost overnight. It was so easy to talk to him, to share things with him that he hadn’t told anyone else, so easy to trust him and know instinctively that he would never tell another soul, not if Kurt didn’t want him to. The list of things they had in common was endless; they were finding new mutual loves and hates almost every day, and it always surprised Kurt just how much like him Blaine was. Here was someone he could really  _connect_  to, in a way he never had with anyone else.

Which is why he knew that it was serious when Blaine came to find him after school one afternoon, and told him that they needed to talk.  _Privately_.

 

They ended up going to Kurt’s house, since his dad was at work and Carole was out grocery shopping, and Finn had football practice until six, so the place was empty. Blaine was uncharacteristically silent for the whole drive, didn’t even so much as crack a smile when the radio played an old 70s song, one that Kurt knew was one of Blaine’s favourites. 

Kurt could feel the tension coming off Blaine in waves as they reached the house and went inside. 

“Do you want something to drink or eat?” Kurt asked, dropping his bag by the door and heading in the direction of the kitchen. Maybe he could try to calm Blaine by giving him something to do. 

“What? No, no thank you." 

"Is everything okay?  _Really?_  'Cause you’re kind of scaring me. You’ve never turned down a soda from me before.” Kurt tried to joke, but it came out forced. Honestly, he  _was_  starting to worry. Blaine looked a little green and seemed to be avoiding looking directly at him, his gaze moving rapidly from side to side, as if he were watching an invisible tennis game. 

“I have to tell you something,” Blaine said suddenly, “and it’s really important. But I need to know that when I do, you won’t change your mind about being friends with me. I don’t want to lose you. As ridiculous as that sounds -  _God_ , we’ve only known each other for, what, four, five months? - I meant what I said when I told you that I really cared about you. I wasn’t lying then. And I don’t want to lie to you any more about this, either.”

 _Is he going to say what I think he’s going to say?_  Kurt thought wildly, his imagination speeding toward only one conclusion.  _Please say you feel the same way about me as I feel about you. Please._

“There’s a reason why I came to Dalton.” Blaine continued. “And I think that I’m ready to tell you at least part of that reason now. Because I want to be honest with you. You told me everything about you, and it’s only fair that I return the favour.”

“O..kay?” Kurt prompted, feeling his stomach clench up at the thought of what it was that Blaine was going to tell him. 

“I’m not….” Blaine began, before halting and starting over. “I wasn’t born like this. I mean, I  _was_ , but I wasn’t. It’s really hard to explain." 

Seeing that Blaine was struggling, Kurt immediately moved to his side, reaching for his hand instinctively but, realizing that would be a  _big_  mistake, settled for closing his hand loosely over his wrist instead. He could feel his pulse racing. His palm, where Kurt’s fingers brushed it, was damp with sweat. 

"I’m trans.” Blaine said eventually. “I was born a girl. My parents named me Alicia. I never really liked that name, though. It took a while to realize that it wasn’t just my name that didn’t feel right…." 

"Go on,” Kurt prompted. “I want to hear everything. You were so kind, so good to me when I showed up at Dalton, listening to me spill my guts about Karofsky. This is me returning the favour.”

“When I was 12, I told my parents I was a boy, and that I didn’t want to be a girl any more because it wasn’t who I was. That’s when I started, you know,  _transitioning._  I begged my mom to let me get my hair cut, and I threw out most of my clothes. I asked to redecorate my bedroom. I changed my name. That’s when the bullying started, and….after that, I transferred to Dalton. You know the rest.”

 _Oh_ , Kurt thought.  _Oh, Blaine. I’m so sorry._

What he actually said was, “Why Blaine?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you pick Blaine?” Kurt asked. “You know, as your name? Is there any kind of story behind that?”

To his surprise, Blaine went red, colour spreading across his cheeks. He rubbed at his neck awkwardly, a nervous habit. “It’s, uh, from  _Pretty in Pink?_  You know, the movie? I used to watch it a lot with my mom. It’s her favourite movie. And she always said that if I’d been born a boy that that’s what she would have named me.”

“But you were. Born a boy, I mean. You just had the wrong body.”

Blaine laughed, but it wasn’t cruel. “Kurt, you do realize that you just repeated what they write in those pamphlets they hand out at PFLAG meetings, right?”

“Should I not have said that? I didn’t mean to - offend you, or anything, I just - I want you to feel comfortable. Being yourself. Around me. Because we’re friends.  _Best_ friends. We are, right?”

Blaine laughed again, shaking his head as if to say,  _oh, you_. The sound was music to Kurt’s ears. “Yes, we are. And you’re not offending me. I get it. It’s a lot to take in, I know that. It’s one of the reasons why I waited so long to tell you. I didn’t want to scare you off when we were just getting to know each other.”

“You haven’t scared me off.” Kurt said quickly, an attempt to reassure Blaine - but it appeared to have the opposite effect, for his expression fell, noticeable enough for Kurt to mentally slap himself for speaking too early.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid_.

“It’s okay. I understand if this is…too much for you to take in. I just wanted you to know.”

“Blaine, I didn’t mean it like that-”

“It's  _okay_ , Kurt. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Just…don’t cut me off, okay? If you need time - if you need to, um,  _process_  this, or whatever - just, don’t shut me out afterwards. I want us to be friends.”

“We  _are_  friends. Don’t you get that? It’s just - a shock - I don't  _know_  anything about this stuff, Blaine. I don’t want to say anything or do anything that might hurt you.” He nearly added, “ _because I love you.”_ , but held his tongue at the last moment.  _  
_

“I should probably go.” Blaine mumbled, casting a look around for his coat, before realizing he never brought one with him.

“I drove you here. I can take you home.”

“I’ll call a cab.”

“Blaine-”

“ _Don’t_.”

The sharpness of Blaine’s tone, angry and biting, made Kurt stop in his tracks. He had never seen Blaine angry before. Irritated, yes, and annoyed, definitely, but never  _angry_. And it hurt to know that it was because of him, because he’d been careless. 

He  _wanted_  to help. He  _wanted_  to support Blaine. He just had no idea  _how_.

“I’m sorry.”

If Blaine heard him, he made no gesture to show that he had. His words were lost in what felt like a vast, sprawling space that stretched between them, getting larger and larger as he watched Blaine leave, shutting the door heavily behind him. He watched him call a cab from the driveway, watched him wait for it, watched him get inside and the cab pull away with the crunch and grind of gravel under the tires. 

_You’ve really done it this time, Kurt. Now he’ll never forgive you._


End file.
